Strip Club Mode

So, this past weekend my friend was in town for his birthday. And he LOVES strips clubs, and if I could get by the huge expenditure of them, I'd love 'em too. Whats not to love actually? The music is usually pretty good and you get to drink and look at naked women, who if you pick the right club are mostly attractive.

Unfortunately as I'm not a regular at these types of establishments I can almost never get out of them without what I refer to as the pity dance. I don't know all the tricks so often times I'm unprepared when one of the bottom shelf strippers perches on my lap. Talks to me for a while and guilts me into paying for a dance. And its a total waste of her time and mine, cause I'm not into it. And it wastes my money. My buddy, who's completely in his element at the club gives me all this advice on how to avoid this after the fact when he's making fun of me for picking the WORST stripper in the club. So adding these new tools to my strip club arsenal we carry on with the night. I'd say the two highlights of the evening were, the line "how'd you like some titties in your face?" because how do you say, "nah! I'm not into it" and the door girl ended up being a stripper as well, which is great because so many times you don't get to see the hot door girl or hot waitress get naked.

Which brings me to my final point. After spending a few hours at the strip club getting wasted and trying to be a discerning lap dancee, you're ready to go out on the town. Its at this point where my brain gets stuck in strip club mode. Any attractive woman I see, I immediately want to see naked, I find my hand reaching all on its own for the remaining singles in my pocket. It can be incredibly frustrating to go from a bar where you can see almost any woman you want up close and naked to a bar where that is completely unacceptable. Its at this point where strip club mode + alcohol+public = hilarity. I watched my buddy hit on almost anything. At one point he was standing in the center of what must have been some kind of German basketball team. They were ALL taller than him and he's probably 5'10" or 11". it was great! He finished the night by throwing himself at this girl who rejected his advances continually. I actually, partially blame her for his repeated attempts. She never actually gave him a definitive "no I'm not interested." It was more of a "I can't I have a boyfriend." "My boyfriend will kill you, he's enormous." My friend clearly was too drunk and horny (strip club mode) to give a shit. 

Strip club mode is dangerous boys and girls, and its difficult to turn off. The best recommendations I can offer are:
1. Go to the strip club during the day. Leaving during the day always has a shocking effect after being in the dark and naked corners of the club.
2. Find some release. your hand your girlfriend/boyfriend wife/husband, the champagne room, find something or your brain can become locked in Strip Club mode.
3. Get so drunk you don't give a shit. You won't be able to tell if you're in strip club mode or bar mode or stealing a police horse mode. It'll all be the same.

In the words of the most interesting man in the world,

I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I beat my wife and kids savagely.