Now I haven't played beer pong like this in years. We actually called in Beruit and the rules were different so any time I play a game that involves throwing ping pong balls at 6-10 cups I call it beer pong. And I'll get into that another time if necessary.
But this beerpong was for charity. My friends and I arrived and found a girl claiming to be the one collecting the money. She said it was 10 dollars per person, or 15 for 2 of us. There was 3 of us so she charged us 20. Helluva deal. Got signed up for the game, playing with a buddy who's admits to me he's terrible and hasn't played in forever. Had about 4 beers before it was our turn to play. Which was very much what I needed to get ready for this. It turned out I had a total chemical flash back as did my partner The dude. The dude can barely see, but was just draining shots. The guys we played first were the "reigning champs" and were letting us know about it. They "WON FIVE IN A ROW", and I understood after the first time they said it, but it was further impressed upon me each successive declaration. I was really surprised we won. But like I said The Dude was just on fire. I made a couple and we ended up winning by 2 cups.
Bravo us, next game challengers wanted to change sides. Being strangers at this Charity pong tournament we obliged, not knowing if that was customary or not. Second game after getting a little more hammered I was able to turn it on and fire in some clutch shots, making the same cup as the Dude, which apparently is a good thing.
I really liked the 3rd game because the girl we were playing decided to try and use her cleavage to distract us. (I really love this tactic of defense, btw) But ladies let me tell you something, when using your cleavage as a distraction do not put them right over the cups. And Fellas, if they do that, shoot at their cleavage. The 4th game cleavage girl came over to our side and was trying to distract our opponents. I put her over on the side so that she wasn't drawing ping pong balls into the cups.
After the fifth game I realized cleavage girl was looking significantly hotter than I remembered her being and that this was probably do to winning each of the five games by a small margin. The Dude and I decided to retire on top and took our leave of the table. Found our third friend who was smashed said good bye to the new friends( one of which looked so much liked me I told everyone we were cousins) and booked it.
The feeling of victory lasted until Saturday morning when I had to hammer nails and use a power saw with a hang over. LOUD NOISES.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
road trip
The long weekend of Easter provided an opportunity for an excellent road trip to both visit friends and celebrate the dude's 25th birthday. It also provided a 3 day bender like I haven't know in about a year or so.
Driving into San Antonio on Thursday night to party face, my friends and I spent the evening drinking heavily and playing cards and video games. I was hoping to run into a cutie that my buddy met and said I'd really get along with, but she was not around. So I had to settle for a back up, which wasn't bad but by the time I caught up with her I was so hammered I had a really hard time getting it up. But bless this girl, she was a trooper and saw me through to the end.
Getting up and driving into Houston the next day was horrible head pounding and nothing really doing the trick, Until I got to Houston and pounded a couple beers. that night we made the bacon explosion, and if you've never had it then you're missing out. But a little goes a long way with that thing so be careful. And you can't grill without beer...... and well, because we had it, Rum. So thoroughly tanked and Full I crashed on the Dude's murphy bed. Which are just as cool as I always imagined them being when I was a kid.
Saturday we cured the hang over with what is one of the best cures possible. We drank a bunch of mimosas then went on the Saint Arnold's Brewery Tour. Reall really fun, 7 bucks for 4 beers and a free glass. The guy who gave the tour(which was more of a speech given over a PA in the giant room where all the booze was made) got pissy about all of us in the back not paying attention and just talking amongst ourselves. By the third time he told us that the people in front couldn't hear him over us, even though he was using a PA my group was already up the stairs, because 1. He was boring and 2. We needed more beer. I want to go back the next Saturday I'm there, but I'll be sure to bring some cards or dominoes and possibly some lawn chairs. The people there were definitely more prepared than I was.
After We left the brewery we went to the pool where my friends started dropping like flies. I had my Sailor Jerry's and Gatorade to keep me company and met some girls with a football to hang out with for a bit until I could summon reinforcements. I eventually lost my momentum and crashed. Unfortunately I'm not exactly sure when this was. I was woken up by a frantically yelling buddy(Epic Beard Man) who was scrambling about looking for his keys telling me to hurry up and asking me how long I'd been in the shower. I had no clue how long I'd been in the shower I was just sitting on the edge of the tub with my head in my hands, so I showered up real quick and got dressed as he's still looking for his key's. In a moment of clarity I know where EBM's keys are! I hid them so he wouldn't leave me at his apt if he got up while I was at the pool. So we were on our way to Dinner and The Dude's 25th birthday, him giving me shit the whole way about hiding his keys.
At the restaurant, we got there early and were both kinda pissed that we scrambled so much to get there 10 minutes before everyone. So we asked the hostess to make them wait when they got there so we could have a drink and make them wait on us a little bit while we just sat in the private room. I finally went out to the lobby to get them because I could hear how loud and drunk they were so I wanted to get us contained in our room so we couldn't embarrass ourselves publicly. With dinner every dish came with a Chef's description and a paired glass of wine. This stuff was all wasted on me, cause I was too hammered to have any sort of pallet. He could have come out and described a quarter pounder pared with a dublin dr. pepper and I'd not really have known the difference. I do remember, specifically loving the seared scallops though. Some sort of sweet corn risotto? Who knows.
This is where the wheels begin to come off. I'm sitting at the far end and pretty much at my own table. EBM is giving me shit about sitting at the kids table all night. By dessert I'm sick of wine and sick of him. I get up to go to the bathroom and on my way by him I give him a hard shot in the ribs, which to his horror sends him falling into "the kids table" seriously rocking it and knocking almost everything to the floor, breaking glasses and scattering silverware. I kinda freak and just keep walking as I hear the clatter. I take an extra minute or two washing my hands before going back, where everything has been set back up already, I thought I had imagined the entire thing. But the wet carpeted floor at my end of the table told me that it had been real.
After dinner we all kinda staggered out and most everyone got into a limo, where the birthday boy began to blow chucks down the side. I guess he shouldn't have ordered that extra bottle of wine. That effectively ended the evening. I showed up to the hotel room to the The Dude's girl friend trying really hard to push him over on his side. She's little and tanked and her skirt is up around her waist. I thanked her for the show and moved the Dude onto his side so he couldn't drown in his own birthday vom. Me and his girlfriend stayed up drinking and being on vomit watch for the rest of the night. We have a saying in my family when you hang out drinking for extended periods of time, "We're solving all the worlds problems." Thats what his girlfriend and I did... Well that and mess with him a fair amount. You know that scene in Hook, where the little boy moves Robin Williams face around a bunch, lets just say there was a fair amount of that and things like that. Oh and Cannon balls on the bed.... and a series of high kicks that I didn't really understand.
Miraculously the Dude woke up at like 5AM chatted with our drunk asses for a while then we all passed out.
The next morning was utterly disgusting. The vomit smell and old booze and hang over was sooo damn gross. But what was possibly worse was the Street Figher Chun Li movie we watched. Don't ever do that. It was worse than chunky boot in the tub.
All in all it was a great weekend and I will make a note to not drink all day when going to have a fancy dinner so I can both remember the meal and not make a huge scene. I learned the birthday boy needs to chew his food better and that his girlfriend gets weird bursts of energy when she drinks causing her to sporadically do high kicks. Happy Easter to everyone!
Driving into San Antonio on Thursday night to party face, my friends and I spent the evening drinking heavily and playing cards and video games. I was hoping to run into a cutie that my buddy met and said I'd really get along with, but she was not around. So I had to settle for a back up, which wasn't bad but by the time I caught up with her I was so hammered I had a really hard time getting it up. But bless this girl, she was a trooper and saw me through to the end.
Getting up and driving into Houston the next day was horrible head pounding and nothing really doing the trick, Until I got to Houston and pounded a couple beers. that night we made the bacon explosion, and if you've never had it then you're missing out. But a little goes a long way with that thing so be careful. And you can't grill without beer...... and well, because we had it, Rum. So thoroughly tanked and Full I crashed on the Dude's murphy bed. Which are just as cool as I always imagined them being when I was a kid.
Saturday we cured the hang over with what is one of the best cures possible. We drank a bunch of mimosas then went on the Saint Arnold's Brewery Tour. Reall really fun, 7 bucks for 4 beers and a free glass. The guy who gave the tour(which was more of a speech given over a PA in the giant room where all the booze was made) got pissy about all of us in the back not paying attention and just talking amongst ourselves. By the third time he told us that the people in front couldn't hear him over us, even though he was using a PA my group was already up the stairs, because 1. He was boring and 2. We needed more beer. I want to go back the next Saturday I'm there, but I'll be sure to bring some cards or dominoes and possibly some lawn chairs. The people there were definitely more prepared than I was.
After We left the brewery we went to the pool where my friends started dropping like flies. I had my Sailor Jerry's and Gatorade to keep me company and met some girls with a football to hang out with for a bit until I could summon reinforcements. I eventually lost my momentum and crashed. Unfortunately I'm not exactly sure when this was. I was woken up by a frantically yelling buddy(Epic Beard Man) who was scrambling about looking for his keys telling me to hurry up and asking me how long I'd been in the shower. I had no clue how long I'd been in the shower I was just sitting on the edge of the tub with my head in my hands, so I showered up real quick and got dressed as he's still looking for his key's. In a moment of clarity I know where EBM's keys are! I hid them so he wouldn't leave me at his apt if he got up while I was at the pool. So we were on our way to Dinner and The Dude's 25th birthday, him giving me shit the whole way about hiding his keys.
At the restaurant, we got there early and were both kinda pissed that we scrambled so much to get there 10 minutes before everyone. So we asked the hostess to make them wait when they got there so we could have a drink and make them wait on us a little bit while we just sat in the private room. I finally went out to the lobby to get them because I could hear how loud and drunk they were so I wanted to get us contained in our room so we couldn't embarrass ourselves publicly. With dinner every dish came with a Chef's description and a paired glass of wine. This stuff was all wasted on me, cause I was too hammered to have any sort of pallet. He could have come out and described a quarter pounder pared with a dublin dr. pepper and I'd not really have known the difference. I do remember, specifically loving the seared scallops though. Some sort of sweet corn risotto? Who knows.
This is where the wheels begin to come off. I'm sitting at the far end and pretty much at my own table. EBM is giving me shit about sitting at the kids table all night. By dessert I'm sick of wine and sick of him. I get up to go to the bathroom and on my way by him I give him a hard shot in the ribs, which to his horror sends him falling into "the kids table" seriously rocking it and knocking almost everything to the floor, breaking glasses and scattering silverware. I kinda freak and just keep walking as I hear the clatter. I take an extra minute or two washing my hands before going back, where everything has been set back up already, I thought I had imagined the entire thing. But the wet carpeted floor at my end of the table told me that it had been real.
After dinner we all kinda staggered out and most everyone got into a limo, where the birthday boy began to blow chucks down the side. I guess he shouldn't have ordered that extra bottle of wine. That effectively ended the evening. I showed up to the hotel room to the The Dude's girl friend trying really hard to push him over on his side. She's little and tanked and her skirt is up around her waist. I thanked her for the show and moved the Dude onto his side so he couldn't drown in his own birthday vom. Me and his girlfriend stayed up drinking and being on vomit watch for the rest of the night. We have a saying in my family when you hang out drinking for extended periods of time, "We're solving all the worlds problems." Thats what his girlfriend and I did... Well that and mess with him a fair amount. You know that scene in Hook, where the little boy moves Robin Williams face around a bunch, lets just say there was a fair amount of that and things like that. Oh and Cannon balls on the bed.... and a series of high kicks that I didn't really understand.
Miraculously the Dude woke up at like 5AM chatted with our drunk asses for a while then we all passed out.
The next morning was utterly disgusting. The vomit smell and old booze and hang over was sooo damn gross. But what was possibly worse was the Street Figher Chun Li movie we watched. Don't ever do that. It was worse than chunky boot in the tub.
All in all it was a great weekend and I will make a note to not drink all day when going to have a fancy dinner so I can both remember the meal and not make a huge scene. I learned the birthday boy needs to chew his food better and that his girlfriend gets weird bursts of energy when she drinks causing her to sporadically do high kicks. Happy Easter to everyone!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
St. Patrick's Day at Fado
I really LOVE day drinking. Starting the day with a traditional Irish breakfast of 2 eggs 2 bangers 2 rashers 2 of each black and white pudding 2 tomato wedges 2 pieces of potato bread and a side of mushrooms was way too much but entirely necessary to sustain the festivities for an entire party event like today. Guiness in the morning is pretty damn stellar. And As the sky lightened warming up the courtyard the party began to fill up and come alive.
There was an Irish Jig contest based on style and stamina. They went for about 2 and a half hrs and the guy and girl who lasted till the end both won Music Fest wrist bands, but the girl Brittany was incredibly easy on the eyes and super fun to have bouncing around for 2 and a half hours while we cheered and drank. A group of girls were standing near by and discussing whether her tits were real or not, and they deferred to me for expertise. Its really fun to drunkenly ogle a girl with other girls. Consensus was: They're fake but well done and not too big, but very nice and didn't move too much with the jigging. I swooped in to ask her out after she won the contest, but found out her boyfriend was one of the guys who dropped out after an hour or so. I totally could have taken him but I pretty much felt like I could have taken on a city bus at the time.
I have to admit that leaving the pub at 10, I dabbled in a bit of performance enhancing substances (5hr energy) So I could show up peppy at work, but I was feeling .... AMAZING is really the best way to describe it. Got to maintain through the rest of the day until I can get some Irish Car Bombs in my belly.
Sláinte
There was an Irish Jig contest based on style and stamina. They went for about 2 and a half hrs and the guy and girl who lasted till the end both won Music Fest wrist bands, but the girl Brittany was incredibly easy on the eyes and super fun to have bouncing around for 2 and a half hours while we cheered and drank. A group of girls were standing near by and discussing whether her tits were real or not, and they deferred to me for expertise. Its really fun to drunkenly ogle a girl with other girls. Consensus was: They're fake but well done and not too big, but very nice and didn't move too much with the jigging. I swooped in to ask her out after she won the contest, but found out her boyfriend was one of the guys who dropped out after an hour or so. I totally could have taken him but I pretty much felt like I could have taken on a city bus at the time.
I have to admit that leaving the pub at 10, I dabbled in a bit of performance enhancing substances (5hr energy) So I could show up peppy at work, but I was feeling .... AMAZING is really the best way to describe it. Got to maintain through the rest of the day until I can get some Irish Car Bombs in my belly.
Sláinte
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Epic Saga(not to be confused with Sega) of how a strip club actually saved someone 80 dollars.
So my friend, Epic Beard Man (EBM) really wants to see some titties, all the time. He's been jonesin' for it very badly. So bad that he's considering driving to Round rock to see his friend Hulk and go to his favorite gentleman's club, The Amarillo Rose. He eventually can's that idea because he'd have to drive the 160 Miles from Katy to Round Rock. HE settles for a local strip club and has an absolutely Euphoric time. Spends his money very conservatively and has possibly, a few too many drinks. On his way out the door he notices his Wallet has gone missing. "IV"E BEEN ROBBED!" he proclaims as he charges toward the last stripper to grind on his lap. She's wearing nothing but pasties and a g string but he swears she has pick pocketed him and is hiding his wallet. (Possible in her meat wallet?) The managers help him look around on the ground for his walled because maybe, just maybe, he didn't' get robbed but missed his pocket in a fleeting moment of drunken clumsiness. They found three wallets. None were EBM's however. They did find one that said, "Bad Mother Fucker" on it. But it was quickly claimed by a tall loud man with a perm.
Sadly EBM went home and began to check his bank statements to see if the Stripper he believed robbed him had been purchasing things already. He found nothing except for an odd charge from an On line gaming company. "WoW!" EBM proclaimed. 80 dollars I quit that game months ago.
He jumped online and sent a message to his friend Hulk. "Hey man whats the number for Blizzard customer support?" Hulk, used to work for Blizzard and EBM expected him to just know things like this. Hulk didn't know the number but he did figure EBM didn't really need customer support, because he hadn't played the game in months. after a brief question and answer, which was like pulling teeth for Hulk, EBM revealed that he wished to dispute a charge on his card. Hulk looked up the number online, knowing EBM was way too lazy to look things up online himself.
EBM called the company and was not happy about being on hold for 20 mins but to him felt like at least an hour. The Hold music was medieval and ancient sounding with plenty of war drums. It made him feel like battle charging everyone in the office. He was finally able to speak with a representative in the billing dept and they canceled his account and refunded the money.
EBM was now feeling slightly better about losing his wallet. He had just gotten 80 bucks back. Just then, the strip club called and had found his wallet. Win Win!
He let Hulk know of the fortunate turn of events. Here is a brief snipit from that conversation:
EBM: the universe just wanted me to check my discover account to catch that charge
EBM probably knows that elegant and elephant are different things. But all is well that ends well. EBM satisfied his desire for titties for one night and was able to cancel and refund 80 dollars from An online game he had not played in months. Proving that a strip club can infact save you money.
Sadly EBM went home and began to check his bank statements to see if the Stripper he believed robbed him had been purchasing things already. He found nothing except for an odd charge from an On line gaming company. "WoW!" EBM proclaimed. 80 dollars I quit that game months ago.
He jumped online and sent a message to his friend Hulk. "Hey man whats the number for Blizzard customer support?" Hulk, used to work for Blizzard and EBM expected him to just know things like this. Hulk didn't know the number but he did figure EBM didn't really need customer support, because he hadn't played the game in months. after a brief question and answer, which was like pulling teeth for Hulk, EBM revealed that he wished to dispute a charge on his card. Hulk looked up the number online, knowing EBM was way too lazy to look things up online himself.
EBM called the company and was not happy about being on hold for 20 mins but to him felt like at least an hour. The Hold music was medieval and ancient sounding with plenty of war drums. It made him feel like battle charging everyone in the office. He was finally able to speak with a representative in the billing dept and they canceled his account and refunded the money.
EBM was now feeling slightly better about losing his wallet. He had just gotten 80 bucks back. Just then, the strip club called and had found his wallet. Win Win!
He let Hulk know of the fortunate turn of events. Here is a brief snipit from that conversation:
EBM: the universe just wanted me to check my discover account to catch that charge
Hulk: yeah. haha
If you were a little more eloquent I'd say post that story somewhere in the blogosphere
EBM: dude elegancy is my forte
Hulk: you can be elegant without being well spoken
you understand that elegant and eloquent are different things right?
not to be confused with elephantEBM probably knows that elegant and elephant are different things. But all is well that ends well. EBM satisfied his desire for titties for one night and was able to cancel and refund 80 dollars from An online game he had not played in months. Proving that a strip club can infact save you money.
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